My thoughts...

May 26, 2010

May 19, 2010
So after contemplation of the amount of personal time and the requirement of a set number of articles in a set length of time I have sent a request to terminate my contract with suite101. I hate to do it, but I just didn't want to have one more thing on my plate. I will just concentrate on this blog and AC. 

For what ever reason, I feel very ill this morning, this does not fit well for the very full day I have ahead of me today.

EDIT: Well the day ended...This should be the part where I say that it ended better than it started, and I guess that is slightly true. I got bad news followed by a good ego boost from my new close friend. Had it not been from hearing from him, I surly would have not been able to concentrate on the remainder of the day. 

EDIT, EDIT: So after viewing my newest article, I have decided that I need to learn to trim the fat and write smaller works. The newest article was 6 pages long as viewed online. Who the hell is going to read that much? So yeah, need to work on that. 

May 18, 2010
Well I have done it agin. Left all my writing work to the last min. I have 2 articles due to the Suite101 site about attractions in the Charleston area, and one on the Bubonic Plague due to AC. Bubonic plague... Why on Earth did I accept this assignment? I know nothing about the plague except that is was the one that was considered to be the "black plague" and was a main cause for what would be known as the "dark ages". Funny story - I asked the physician about the bubonic plague and if it were still prevalent today (we are getting along much better after he and I had a heart-to-heart last week). He said yes that they have not found a way to irradiate it. He also added the the Huns used to use the recently dead as weapons against walled cities by launching the bodies by catapult over the walls. I guess you could say that this was the first instance of germ warfare. I know my assigned article is supposed to be about the modern aspects of the plague, but I am going to try to incorporate that into it. I think it's funny in a sick way. 

Something else really great has happened. I have met an amazing new friend. One that understands me and my everyday struggles as much as I understand them myself. The advice he offers is always well thought out and sincere. I appreciate every conversation. I am blessed to have this new person in my life. 

SHERRY IS HOME! I'm super stoked, my fantastic BFF is back from traveling her way through England. I am just sure that not only has she come back with amazing photos, stories, and goodies, but I'm sure she picked up a tinge of British accent just to drive Officer Ron wild! I see one night this weekend being full of giggles, wine, and painting!

May 8, 2010
Had an AMAZING day at Magnolia Plantation today with my lil' man. It was so nice to have just a Mommy and Craig day. I let him run up and down the historic garden trails, and we oohed and ahhed over the snakes, alligators and birds that are indigenous to the east coast of South Carolina. I am defiantly going to use this day to write a review of Magnolia Plantation. I will post a picture here as soon as I get them uploaded! I'm excited for tomorrow too. My husband is taking Craig and I on an outing to Charlestowne Landing - the most historical site in Charleston. It is the only thing that I want for Mother's day, and I can't think of a better gift. 

May 7, 2010
Ok, so I said that I would give The Man if he did something that made me actually happy to be in his employment. It was a compliment that I am sure he did not think that he was making, but I will take it where I can get it. He made mention that my skills in the field of eye care were exceptional and that there was no need for him (as a physician) to check my measurements that I had gotten during the patient's initial work-up. So I guess, even if he and I don't see eye-to-eye (sorry, couldn't help it) on the way that the practice is run, at least he sees me as an asset for the patients, and that is all I need - to know that the patients are getting the care that they need. 

May 5, 2010
I was accepted as a Disease and Conditions Featured Contributor today! Yeah, go me. Now, all I need to do is get more people to read and search out my stuff so that I can actually make some money for doing what I have come to love. Sherry and I have decided that if we ever make enough (writing for on and offline publishers) we will take a girls trip to NYC. I love this idea, and I am going to put away for this trip, but I am also working to buy something special for my biggest supporter and earn some extra cash for my family - Private school is going to be a tough expense, but a worthy one. My intelligent  little boy deserves no less. 

April 30, 2010
Well perhaps he read my Invisible entry, or maybe it was that I spoke with both volume and clarity about my current unhappiness with my work environment, but my employer took time to speak to me today. It was not as a general acknowledgment as part of the staff, but rather a attempt at personal connection with me. 

I'm still pissed as hell and very dissatisfied with the current working environment (emotional not physical, although the physical conditions could use some work), but I will give him credit for trying. I suppose we all have to start somewhere, and if he can make a small attempt, I suppose I can as well. So here - I realize that he is under great stress from many sources. I do not agree with some of his discussions in regards to my working environment, however, I will try to be more respectful (and keep my mouth shut) when I do not like a situation, where as before this promise to try,  I may have verbalized my opposition. 

Hey on a more freelancer (is that a word?) note, I have started to write for another online publisher. I will post links on the blog main page as they are published. The focus of those articles, I believe, will be South Carolina and the Southeastern US.... It's not set in stone yet.

Fun But Sad - My bestest friend and gal pal will be leaving for England (luck bitch) on Monday. I'm totally jealous and super excited for her. She came over tonight and we made another attempt at painting while we enjoyed the best wine that our limited pocketbooks could afford (a step up from box wine - but not a big step, I love the cheap stuff! ). She is a much better painter than I am....Definitely has more creative flare, but ehhh...perhaps that is why I write....Well then again, she is pretty good at that too....Like I said: Bitch. Oh well. I love her bunches and she helps to keep me sane. 

April 7, 2010
I have just about had it with "fake" people. You know the kind...They are buddy-buddy with you until they don't need you, then it is as if you never existed. 

I have always been a more solitary creature than one that likes to, or even wants to, run in a pack, and I don't get close to people often, but when you have a friend that you have confided in, talked and laughed with, and then are shunned by it is hurtful. I do not pretend to be of their world. As a matter of fact we are very much worlds apart... It was just nice to have them as a friend, or what I thought was a friend. 

I'm not a liar, nor do I use people. I just don't understand some people's need to be deceitful. I would have helped them had they just asked. There was no need for things to have transpired they way that they have. 

I guess what bothers me the most is I am an intelligent, strong woman, and yet I was blind to their intentions. I suppose this is why people who were once sweet and open become closed and cynical.  

April 6, 2010
Whoever wrote that you don't need money to be happy was obviously an idiot. 

They must not have had a family that eats like mine, or goes through laundry soap like mine does...
I agree that money and financial matters should not control your happiness, but as I sit here doing my bills and budget for the next quarter of this year, I think "man, if I only had an extra so many more dollars, life would be so much easier!"

But alas the extra green eludes me and we must make due with that which we have earned. And while I would say that I am happy for the most part, I do believe that an additional, substantial, amount of cash on a regular basis would add to that happiness greatly!

I'm not a psychic, but I can tell you the cash surge is not going to happen.
It sucks really...

April 3, 2010
I have decided that my son will grow up and become a scientist or chemist. Last night as I was getting the house picked up and trying to get things settled for the night, I noticed that my son was very, very quiet. I went up stairs and checked on him and found that he had gotten into the Vicks Vapor rub and smeared it all over his bedroom walls. (They are painted with flat paint only - the builder's brilliant idea). As if that was not bad enough he had added baby powder to the thick smears also coating many areas on the floor. Finally to top off his concoction he had added hand soap. As I entered the room he was using his fingers to mix up his wall art, he looks at me and says: "Mommy look, it changes colors!". I was angry, but I had to leave the room, because I was on the verge of laughing. I didn't want to encourage this behavior, and he was put in time out after a mild swat to the butt, but I have to admit that he was dead serious about the fact that he had discovered something....

I am all about supporting his interest in art, sciences, etc, I just wish that he would keep it to the table, bathtub, or other more easily cleaned surfaces. As it is, I can not get that petroleum based jelly off the wall without stripping the paint down to the sheet rock....Oh well, I guess I needed to paint the walls anyway!

April 2, 2010
What the Fuck! Ok, so perhaps that is a very dramatic opening sentence, but frankly I can not think of a better one. Recently I have reconnected with an old friend of mine. I knew him just as my life in Charleston was beginning. He was an amazingly handsome serviceman (not stationed in Charleston, but not too far away) and we became very close friends very fast. We spent hours upon hours just talking, relaxing and having a great time. Then he got busy with his duty life, and I started school back and time took it's tole and we lost touch....

Until about a month and a half ago. He messaged me on MSN and I was completely shocked to realize who it was. We chatted for a while and he explained to me that he was now stationed in Florida and doing really well.  We talked about the past and the present. I told him about Matt and Craig and he talked about the sports he participated in. It was just as open and comfortable as it had been all those years ago. He even ordered frames from my office to give as a gift to a family member (all conversations, and pictures of items sent via text message, phone calls, and/or emails). 

Well tonight I see that he is online and I send a general "hello", and immediately I am bombarded with questions regarding "our relationship". WTF??!!?? What relationship? Long story short - He is married - Oh yes, he never mentioned that, with 2 children (girls). I don't care that he is married. What pisses me off is that I asked him if there was a special woman that had ever snagged him? Or if he had any  "little ones" running around. To both questions he responded "no". He had told me about a woman he was interested in still living in FL, but was reluctant to talk about her...

So back to the point - the person on the other end of the IM was not him, it was his wife. I'm going to take a moment to say that Thank God I am not a liar or a hypocrite. I was able to tell that woman with 100% honesty that I was not involved with her husband and that I was going to sleep soundly tonight - Once I finished being over the fact that I am pissed - Not only for me, but for her!

How awful to realize that your husband is not even telling people he says he is close to that you exist? Or that your children exist. My child is my reason that I was created. I am sure of that, so I can not imagine lying about the fact that he was ever born. I would never! 

I explained to her that I had helped him chose frames for a "family member" who's birthday was coming up. Guess who they turned out to be for...Ummm Hummm, you got it - her. That's fine with me, I don't care who they were for, they are awesome frames. I'm just so hurt for her... I asked her what made her jump to the conclusion that I was involved with him. She said that he has been unfaithful and hurt their family several times before. That is not the man that I used to know...He had been such a God Fearing man, and even with the conversations that we had over the last few months, he was talked of God and his faith. Remind me not to stand too close to him should it look like rain!

She on the other hand is hurt and yet still loves him and wants to forgive him. What a amazing woman, as I would not be so forgiving. I am seriously thinking that I would prefer to have her friendship rather than his at the moment...I won't turn my back on him as a friend however. That is all that we have ever been and all that we have ever wanted, but I could throttle him! To hurt someone that has stood by you, loved you, and barred your children? That kind of shunning is outrageous to me. I just don't understand. 

So this is what I am wondering - Why are humans so blind to what they have in front of them that they go out to seek what can not be found? The reason it can not be found is they have walked away from it...Leaving nothing but heartache and destruction in their wake. 

My prayers are with her and her children that they will do what is best for them and the family, and I pray for him as well. I want him to be happy, and she loves him. I pray that he will find his way home...And stay there.

March 23, 2010
I've not been online much and part of that is the building hatred that my husband harbors for the instrument of access - ie my laptop. He bought me the blasted thing as a way of showing that he was "supportive" of my venture, and now he blames it (and by extension- me) for the decline of modern society. Ok, so maybe that is a tad drastic, but you would think that I was attempting to eat a small animal live with the way he looks at me. just for checking emails. 

So don't be alarmed if you do not see anything new here or on I am working on things offline to eventually publish on it.  I am trying to figure out the next installment of TWS It's hard to think like a cat and a human at the same time....Ehhh, you'll just have to wait and see...

On a great side note, I got to talk with someone Via phone who is becoming a wonderful friend. I would have never thought in a million years that I would have as much in common as I do with this person and it is a fantastic surprise. Yeah Girl Power! LOL....No, just because I blogged about becoming a lesbian doesn't mean that I actually went that route - get your minds outta' da gutta'. 

My Re-Cert test is a week from tomorrow, and to say that I am ready would be fallacy. I am about 60% ready and I have limited time left to study, so that and house cleaning (UGH!!!) is where my attention will be for the next week. Alas my passion for the written word will have to be frozen temporally in the abstract world of the internet. 

March 17, 2010
Men suck. I'm sure that this doesn't apply to everyone - or every man alive, but right now I am thinking being a lesbian is sounding really good....Ok, maybe not so much the sex part, simply b/c I like snails better than clams, but still, I am thinking a woman would get it, or at least have a better shot at getting me and the shit that I have to deal with on a regular basis. 

March 14, 2010
I'm so frustrated at Associated Content. Not only has my newest submission not been reviewed, but they have not updated the "daily" statistics since the 11th. WTF! How am I supposed to know how things are going, or if I need to change my tags on my articles on the promotion sites, etc?

Second day of the car show is today back up in Santee. Not sure that Craig and I will go. If we won an award, Matt can bring it home. There is little to no need for Craig and I to make that drive. He (Craig) has a cough so I've got to try to get that settled down,

I also have to do some housework (I absolutely least favorite thing to do) I have let it go for way to long. 

Oh and then there is the studying thing I need to do, along with the 2-3 hours a day I am supposed to be spending writing.

Yeah, not thinking we are making the drive to Santee...

March 12, 2010
Ok, so I can't win for losing. We went to the Stingrays hockey game tonight. Had a great time and Craig even got a stray puck. It was military appreciation night, so that meant that the camo colored jerseys were up for live auction after the game. Of course we went and I had full intent to buy one.

The auction started and I did bid on a few that either myself or Matt wanted. I didn't win any because I did not want to go over $800 for a jersey. Now I am the bad guy because he "really wanted one". 

So I feel like shit all the way home, I mean it is only money and the profits would go to a charity - What charity tonight I have no clue, but still I wouldn't have minded. So now I feel really crappy.
So I offer to try to make it right and buy him an authentic SIGNED Malikn jersey (Pittsburgh Penguins), find one that is legit, and he says "ehh, you can get those any time." WTF!!! He has been wanting one for a while and I frickin' agree to it and now he doesn't want it! 

I swear I just don't get it. I'm sorry that I didn't win the local teams jersey, but I offer to get him one that is worth WAY more and "ehhh" is all I get. Seriously I don't get men. He wants me to feel like shit - Check. Wants me to be confused - Check, Check. Pissed and hurt that it is obvious that I won't be able to make him happy - Check, Check, Check.

March 11, 2010
So today was normal - I went to work, dealt with the crap that goes along with just surviving the day, and came home. I still have so much studying to do that I am beginning to worry...

It's Thursday night and I have no topic for an article this week. It has been my "beginners goal" to write at least one article a week... Looks like the Stingrays game tomorrow night will be the topic. I'll end up doing what I did last time which was write like a monster all day Sat to get it done and then submit it late Sat night. Hopefully they will pick this one up like they did the "pink in the rink" one. 

Ahhhhhh!! Gotta study. So no fun posts tonight. 

March 10, 2010
Well what can I say, today was about as easy of a day as one person can have at work. Thank goodness because I still don't feel 100%. Then again no one there really dose - hence the reason that the day was so easy. Our Doc called in sick. I'm pretty sure that he blames me for bringing it into the office. I guess this is something that confuses the crap out of me. He wants his employees to show up everyday, and then when we do, sick or not, he gets upset if the illness comes with us. Just not sure that I can win this one. Just thinking about it bothers me, and I admit that I thought about it a lot today.

Other than that the day was uneventful. Had a contact lens training with this wonderfully nice nurse. She was very easy to train to insert and remove contacts, mainly because she had no fear of touching her eyes. We left at a little after 4 pm, but I had to go back. I forgot my study material as my new cert. test is in 2 weeks from today. I don't know why I am nervous about this damn thing. I know I can pass it - have in the past, or I wouldn't have my title. I guess I just have test anxiety. Thinking Xanax....

Did get another piece published today - nice. That makes five total in the last month. Not a bad start.

Well I guess I have procrastinated enough and need to hit the books.